16059

Joke of the Day

"Wife wants to relax today! Wife: Today, I want to relax, so I have brought three movie tickets. Husband: why three tickets? Wife: you and your parents. "

"Church A very enthusiastic book club."

"What's big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A pool table."

"It's so unsettling meeting a baby with a grown man's name. No I don't want to hold Keith but can he look over my investment portfolio for me"

"Being drunk is a very unpleasant experience... Just ask a glass of water."

"playing too much GTA. starting to see traffic as ""options."""

"""SZA"" would be the perfect name for a lesbian member of the Wu Tang Clan"

"Masturbation... ...It comes in handy"

"The toilet on the train was out of order, so I had to sit there and hold it for half an hour. A woman who was sat opposite, looked at me in disgust and asked ""Is that a fucking poo in your hand?"""

"Just looked in my 8 yr old son's bedroom and I'm pretty sure it can't be ruled out that the Malaysian jet may be in there somewhere."