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Joke of the Day

"Who else does this? 1. wets toothbrush 2. puts toothpaste on toothbrush 3. wets toothbrush again 4. does backflip on to huge pile of money"

"wife: What's the best moment of your life? me: That time I won a stuffed dino- wife: That didn't involve a dinosaur me: Our wedding"

"Camouflage training ""Soldier!"" ""Yes, sergeant!"" ""I haven't seen you at camouflage training today!"" ""Thank you, sergeant!"""

"LPT: If you feel cold, stand in a corner They're usually around 90 degrees"

"The most important thing in life is to be yourself, unless you can be Batman...always go with Batman"

"The kids are asking why I'm wearing sunglasses in the house today. Spiked their morning OJ with vodka so we are on the same page."

"My 16: ""How come when my friends come over you're suddenly the nicest mom in the world?"""

"When Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive Spiderman, he became... Spidermanman."

"I plan to retire at 30. The used tire business is just calling my name."

"I'd get a lot more sleep if I didn't insist on reading the entire internet every night."