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Joke of the Day

"The kids are asking why I'm wearing sunglasses in the house today. Spiked their morning OJ with vodka so we are on the same page."

"Why are pirates angry after leaving the bathroom? Because after ""p"" comes ""irate"""

"""It helps knowing that everyone else will die with me if we crash."" ~my 11yo on why she's not afraid to fly unaccompanied"

"A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables... The bartender says, you can have a drink, but ya better not start anything"

"Jus made the jerk off motion at a baby because his mom is using coupons."

"#BREAKING Oscar Pistorius has today made a plea for clemency ahead of his sentencing in April Mr Pistorius claims he is not the first bloke to come home legless and put a few loads into his missus."

"Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets."

"Past, present and future walk into a bar... it was tense"

"My extremely slow tailor is trying to give me an impromptu fitting but I don't want to do it right now I'm taking steps to prevent the measure"

"how do you organize a party in space? you planet."