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Joke of the Day

"I was injured in a violent mugging this afternoon. On the plus side, I did make $23 and I think this old lady's watch looks really good on me."

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"How do you castrate an Amish man? Kick his sister in the jaw."
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"What do you say when a Polish magician performs a magic trick? Nailed it"
"There are two reasons I don't give money to the homeless 1. They use it for drugs and alcohol. 2. I need it for drugs and alcohol."
"is there anything more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane, and monocle selling you other peanuts to eat"
"We decided to name our unborn child something that represents where it was conceived. Only 7 more months until baby Uber is born!"