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Joke of the Day

"There are two reasons I don't give money to the homeless 1. They use it for drugs and alcohol. 2. I need it for drugs and alcohol."

"It's almost Thanksgiving day... Remember to set all your scales back 10 pounds tonight."

"Found out that girls do not like re-gifting. So, I was walking along and this girl gave me a major hard-on. However, when I tried to give it back to her, she just slapped me and ran away screaming."

"Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots."

"What do you call a group of men with flat butts? Assless Chaps"

"[me as a DJ] Where my single ladies at? *drunk responses* This one's for you *turns off music, serious tone* This is a bad place to meet men"

"I just saw a disclaimer that said ""don't try this at home"", so I tried it at my neighbors house."

"Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?"

"[slips the bus driver 20] ""Maybe you let me ride the bus for free?"""

"I don't really like my beard But it's growing on me"