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Joke of the Day

"We decided to name our unborn child something that represents where it was conceived. Only 7 more months until baby Uber is born!"

"I'd like to think that my exes see me as ""the one who got away,"" but it's probably more like ""the one who got away from the police."""

"I like my drinks like I like my women. Whatever's available."

"Apparently the police think the murder weapon was a colander. But that theory doesn't hold water."

"I bought a pair of Undies yesterday. On the front it says, ""I Will do Anything For Love"" ..and on the back it says, ""But I Won't do That."""

"I decided to try out a new Mediterranean recipe that takes 2 hours to cook. I've got a lot of thyme on my hands."

"Ugly is in the eye of the beholder as well."

"One man's cougar is another man's grandmother."

"the only proof i have that there is a god is that one time i saw a dude in a ""Bazinga"" shirt get into a car and drive directly into a tree"

"Did you hear about the girl who died in the Italian restaurant? She pasta way."