16051

Joke of the Day

"Props to every deodorant commercial ever for abandoning all creativity and just going with ""If you buy this, women will have sex with you"""

"After I dislodged my head from the drywall, I had 2 thoughts: 1) Wow, this new Metallica song is really good and 2) I may need new drywall"

"i know how hard it must have been for my parents to tell me there was no santa because i just had to tell my parents there's no jesus"

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!"

"There is no ""i"" in ""team,"" but there is a lot of ""alcohol"" in my ""fridge"" because I enjoy abusing my liver."

"Oldest boy band in the world One erection"

"Sure, your carpenter could turn water into wine, Father. Now let ME tell you about a plumber who can increase his size by eating mushrooms."

"Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?? A: Because they can understand them."

"God: done? Noah: yea G: whats this Noah proudly: a swing set G: u built a park. I asked for an ark N: a what? G: a boat N: say boat then"

"My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkeys. I thought she was kidding... ...and then I saw her face."