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Joke of the Day

"Props to every deodorant commercial ever for abandoning all creativity and just going with ""If you buy this, women will have sex with you"""

"The worst kind of insomnia is snoring induced insomnia. That's when every time you start snoring your wife shoves you awake..."

"They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... Unless he's a vegan. Then you can get there through his vagina."

"Go to Target for shampoo. End up leaving with a blender, new pajamas, a couch, four kids and a car."

"When a dating site tells me ""Someone new likes you!"" I get angry because I'm there to meet adults, not babies."

"Just saw a fly on my flight and all I could think was what a lazy piece of shit."

"Somalis at the Olympics... The Somalian Olympic Committee issued an official apology earlier in the week, after realising that sailing and shooting are separate events."

"What do you call a cock-muncher's favorite meal..? Not me.. Stop calling me that."

"What does a sock taste like? Defeat"

"Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You're welcome."