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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend just broke up with me, mainly because of my extreme Burger King addiction. So I said to her ""Fine, have it your way."""

"[Job Interview] ""It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. What is 17 X 19?"" ""36"" ""That's not even close"" ""But it was quick"""

"I went to a really emotional wedding the other day... Even the cake was in tiers."

"Lincoln cars can't turn left. They're all right, all right, all riiiggghhht"

"Just had a very thorough pat-down by a TSA agent. Now he wants to talk about my feelings, but I'm soooo sleepy."

"*gets on 1 knee* Jenny... ""OMG"" *places hand on heart and starts crying* ""This is great!"" *gets on 2nd knee* I'm having a heart attack"

"I used to buy second hand ballet equipment from ebay I still do but I used tutu."

"Is that a Nexus 6 or are you just happy to see me?"

"I once dated a homeless girl. splitting the bill wasn't always easy but at least after our date I could drop her off anywhere."

"I thought more people would laugh at my candy joke... But all I heard was a few snickers."