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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a bmw driver and a porcupine? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside."

"[shady nighttime meeting at the aquarium] AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE: eels are already pretty slippery man ME: shut up and help me butter them"

"My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house."

"What criminal doesn't take baths? A dirty crook."

"I consider myself somewhat of a pussy magnet... ...I just need to learn how to change the polarity."

"Why do Jewish people watch porn backwards? They like the part where the prostitute pays them"

"It was the busta rhymes, it was the worsta rhymes"

"I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside a tire and then roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears."

"Please pray for my friends' 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn't photographed or documented on Facebook today."

"Why are there so many Redditor archeologists? Because /r/jokes loves digging up the past."