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Joke of the Day

"When I see someone texting and driving I swerve my car into them and try to run them off the road cause texting and driving is illegal."

"What should be done in case of apparent drowning? Take the parent out of the water"

"nice try walmart, like im gonna spend $20 on a skeleton mask when i could easily just peel the flesh and muscle off my face for free"

"Heard of the cannibal who had a shit taste in people? You could say he was surrounded by assholes."

"What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Tennish..."

"When one door closes... An incognito window opens."

"What's snoop dogg's favorite time of day? High Noon."

"A Vegan, a crossfitter and a Game of thrones fan walk into a bar, 5 minutes later everybody knew about it."

"My psychic friend told me that she could tell me what my favourite band is... I said No Doubt"

"How do you know if somebody's Christian? Don't worry, They'll fucking tell you."