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Joke of the Day

"No sweetie, you can't have your giant chocolate bunny for breakfast, that's not healthy and also mommy ate it for dinner last night."

"When I was little I asked God for a bike. He didn't deliver so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead."

"Why legalize weed? Because it's 2015... http://i.imgur.com/PmlEqZ9.jpg"

"Who the hell called it 69ing... Instead of cuddlingus."

"What do you call a woman with egg and sausage on here face? Cafe"

"Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat."

"You know what I find odd? Numbers that aren't divisible by 2."

"If I ever met an exact duplicate of myself I wouldn't hang out with him. I'm too cool for that fucking nerd"

"Two guys are walking when they come across a dog on the sidewalk, licking his balls. One guys says, ""I wish I could do that."" The other guy says, ""You better pet him first to make sure he's friendly."""

"Where do you send bad Russian cows? The Moolag"