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Joke of the Day

"If I ever met an exact duplicate of myself I wouldn't hang out with him. I'm too cool for that fucking nerd"

"Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq? A: They don't want to wear out the camel."

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."

"What's the difference between a chickpee and a garbanzo bean? I'd never let a garbanzo bean on my face"

"I don't ""take"" weed because weed ""took"" my best friend & trapeze partner Corton from me when we were 17. #ImissYouBrother #SwingWithJesus"

"I've seen: UFOs Ghosts A Two Headed Turtle Kimodo Dragons But nothing is as unbelievable to me as seeing Trump run for president."

"Q. What do you have when only one line dancer comes to your party? A. A One Liner!"

"Dad Joke Dad: (Grabs his chest) Call me an ambulance Son: You are........ an ambulance Dad: Proud of you son."

"What's the difference between a new anal plug and a used one? The taste."

"You know your life sucks when... Your job sucks, Your kids suck, And your wife doesn't."