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Joke of the Day

"I got Arnold Schwarzenegger into Baroque music... He'll be Bach."

"I'm just me looking for fun"

"At the coffee shop, I saw a German guy reading the first few pages of a book about WWII and smiling. Keep reading, buddy. Keep reading."

"What do you call an Asian in a tank? A chink in the armor."

"Just pulled up next to a car identical to mine & accidentally made eye contact with the driver. I think that means we have to race on green."

"My mother said today, ""I'm always alright as long as I'm taking that D."" She was referring to vitamin D."

"I took a public speaking class in college. I did a presentation about Free Speech. It was mostly just about the website where I downloaded my speech."

"When someone tells me they're sick I try to make them feel better with a story about my own sickness that was much worse and many years ago."

"My deity ignored my prayers today. The sacrifice was a disaster. First, I didn't have the correct incantation, and then the goat knocked over the candles. I guess two wrongs don't make a rite."

"Marriage is like Comcast. Frustrating as hell and once a month you get screwed."