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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the amusement park was offering free bungee jumping? No strings attached!"

"Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid."

"PATIENT: Since I got this new job my feet are killing me. DR DOG: What's your job? PATIENT: Mailman DR DOG: *chases him out of room barking*"

"If we put pictures of lost kids on beer cans instead of milk cartons, we'd find them in about 15 minutes."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandpa. Not screaming in terror like all of those people in his car."

"What do you call an emperor who's also a musician? A rock-czar"

"Quasimodo is running down the street with a bunch of kids chasing him. ""Fuck off, i haven't got your ball!"""

"Cannibal one liner A cannibal passed a priest in the woods."

"A senior partner with a herniated disc limps into a conference room Coworker 1: ""I feel like the world's moving in slow motion"" (pause) Coworker 1: ""Oh wait, it's just Charlie"" (motions at partner)"

"Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked."