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Joke of the Day

"Quasimodo is running down the street with a bunch of kids chasing him. ""Fuck off, i haven't got your ball!"""

"CONDUCTOR: all aboard! ME: i'm pretty bored CONDUCTOR: no, i meant everyone on the train ME: oh, i'm sure they're bored too"

"Why was Sean Connery accused of piracy while drinking tea? He took a ship."

"A nun goes to the greengrocer, asking for a cucumber. ""Get 2"" he says. ""So you have one to eat"""

""" Could you explain to me why I woke up this morning with a cucumber up my ass? "" My wife screamed. "" Could you explain to me,"" I yelled back, "" Why you didn't wake up when I put it there? """

"What is the Difference Between a Pretentious Asshole, and a Brilliant Artist? About 6 feet."

"My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at his face."

"Why did Hitler kill himself? He got his gas bill."

"One great perk about working at a funeral home... I always get to bring flowers home to my wife! (Yes, I actually work at a mortuary. No, I don't do this)"

"Why don't the Mexicans have an olympics team? Because anybody who can run jump or swim is in the States."