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Joke of the Day

"I dance like people wish they weren't watching."

"Haters gonna hate. Potatoes gonna potate. Waiters gonna wait. Aligators gonna aligate."

"Hear about the guy whose brother cut off his leg below the ankle? Treachery was a foot."

"2016 has been pretty bad but at least girls stopped drawing mustaches on their index fingers and holding them under their noses."

"How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Juan"

"I got my car towed by a celebrity yesterday. I don't even have THAT big of a car."

"My friend just ordered a kale and quinoa salad and a side of eggplant fries and now I'm blinded by whiteness."

"How's the elevator business? It has it's ups and downs."

"It's not the cat wearing my pants without permission that pisses me off. It's that he looks better in them than I do."

"You can't know a person well until you live with them. You can't know them really well until you divorce them."