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Joke of the Day

"I was talking to my buddy Adam Lanza and I asked him if he'd wanna date my 25-year-old friend. He said, ""Yeah! I love taking out twenty - five year olds!"""

"What did the banana say to the vibrator? ""What are you shakin' for? Shes gonna eat me."""

"Nothing says defeat than deleting your own tweet."

"[bill gates house] Bill: What's on at the cinema? Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see."

"What do you call using Tinder while you are in the bathroom? A swipe and wipe."

"Someone's written an album about thermometers... I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize."

"I've been nominated for person most likely to not be nominated for anything."

"Two friends meet after a long time. First one: Hey, you have changed a lot. Second: Yes, I just updated my software to latest version."

"How does Luke Skywalker get through the forest? Ewoks"

"What do you call a scale that always resets itself to zero? Tareable"