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Joke of the Day

"Beached whale Today I got in trouble at work for throwing water on a lady... I just thought that's what your suppose to do for a beached whale"

"Condom Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A. ""Cover me. I'm going in."""

"There's something strangely unsettling about the petting zoo selling hamburgers."

"A husband and a wife were at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. ""Och, I look like a pig!"" The man nods, ""And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"""

"There's plenty more fish in the sea But until I catch one I'm left here holding my rod."

"What are the two most important holes on a woman? The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a blow job. *My 10 year old brother told me this today"

"One of the best feelings in the world is not having to set your alarm clock."

"If I got kidnapped I'd continuously sing Pitbull songs until they kill me, I'd die but at least they'd suffer too."

"If you hated really old teak furniture, would you be anti antique teak?"

"Why are sergeants so successful in physical contests? Three stripes, you rout."