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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: Please take off your sunglasses.. Me: Nah, I'm afraid you'll see how high I am"

"Would you like to go see a meteor shower? What are you some kind of pervert?!?"

"Why was the hen banned from sending e-mails? She was always using fowl language."

"""I left you a voicemail."" You honestly might as well have written it on a post-it and thrown it into the sea."

"Mute the voices in your head by eating really crunchy food."

"My son, who is 10, just explained that the things he did when he was 7 no longer reflect the person that he is now. I need a drink."

"Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong."

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? 'cause if they fell forward, they'd still be in the Fuckin' boat! I'll show myself out."

"What's a doll in Hell called? Barbiecue."

"My doctor won't go away. I know what you're thinking but he has been eating small pieces of apple over many decades to build up an immunity."