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Joke of the Day

"Doctors have determined Hillary doesn't have pneumonia Apparently a little girl from Kansas just threw some water on her."

"""What? Where?"" -owl on some next level shit"

"Sometimes you'll hate a person when you first meet because it saves time."

"Whats the problem with feminist picnics ? None of them make the sandwiches."

"What's the difference between an 8-ball and a baby? Eric Clapton would never let an 8-ball fall out the window!"

"What does a mathematics professor do when he is constipated? He works it out with a pencil."

"Our daughter ran away from home once when she was a teenager. We were frantic. Within months, we called the police to report her missing."

"Dad, are ghosts real? Dad: No son, of course not Son: The nanny said they are Dad: Okay, pack your stuff... We don't have a nanny"

"I finally finished baby proofing the house. Let's see those babies get in here now."

"Waiter! Oh Waiter! Yes, I`d like to know if I have earned any CashBack Reward`sTM with the purchase of my farm fresh miniature cucumber plate"