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Joke of the Day

"Our daughter ran away from home once when she was a teenager. We were frantic. Within months, we called the police to report her missing."

"Happy Father's Day! You motherfuckers are alright!"

"My wife asked my why i carry a gun in the house. I looked at her and said ""Decepticons"". She laughed, i laughed, the toaster laughed, i shot the toaster. It was a good time."

"Cool prank: Dig up 200 earthworms. I will tell you about the rest of the prank later"

"I don't believe in mythical creatures like dragons, unicorns, Lock Ness Monster, drama free women. Just joking, I believe in Nessie."

"What breed of dog is the most depressing...? A melancholy."

"*Puts on apron* *Places Pop Tarts on plate* *Removes apron*"

"My girlfriend left me because she said I'm a ""Clueless idiot."" I didn't even know I had a girlfriend."

"Blind Date I went on a blind date once. It wasn't a good time because the dog kept getting in the way."

"What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the dock."