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Joke of the Day

"Not looking at my phone during dinner will be the most romantic gesture I will make today."

"Pretty weird to think that in the future, there will be old people named 'Hailey' and 'Brayden' running around in vintage Twilight t-shirts."

"What's a large bird hiding in the bushes called? A lurkey turkey."

"Someone said my clothes were gay I said ""yeah they came out of the closet this morning"""

"What's the difference between a chocolate bar, and a cop? One will kill your dog, the other's a chocolate bar."

"My new cat, John Cena, wants me to remind y'all to never let your kids name your pets."

"[First date] Him:""Waiter!"" Waiter:""Sir?"" Him:""Could you check the toilets? My date has been gone 2 hours. Also, her coat has been stolen"""

"If you want sparkling, sophisticated conversation, catch me early in the month, before I've used up my ten free New York Times articles."

"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop Dog? Dr.Dre"

"I'm diabetic, and I can't eat sweets It'll cost me an arm and a leg. (It's ok for me to post this, cos I am actually a diabetic)"