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Joke of the Day

"- How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile? - Two. One to launch it one to watch CNN to find out where it landed."

"ME: Did you hear Jack & Cindy got divorced and he's dating someone half his age? HUB: Yep. He's livin the dream ME: HUB: His dream not mine"

"Her: I bet you forgot it. Him: I have a photographic memory. [shakes violently] Her: ? Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky? Her: NO"

"Dove is supposedly 1/4 moisturizing cream, but this one seems like it's at least 80% bones and feathers."

"Guy in Car: get out of my way idiot Guy in Crosswalk: pedestrians have the right of way Car Guy: this ain't Pedestria buddy this is America"

"Why does Oedipus hate to swear? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth"

"Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan? Because he was going *to fast*!"

"Hey, little bird! Maybe you wouldn't have to move your head around so much looking for threats if you didn't make so much god damn noise!"

"I wonder if women in China complain that all guys are the same."

"How do you get a one armed Canadian out of a tree? Wave to him!"