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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu? One requires tweetment, the other requires oinkment. I'll see myself out."

"""The world is full of nice people. If you can't find one, be one!"""

"My signature move is eating a whole bag of something before realizing I don't like it."

"I met up with my internet friend yesterday. We were both disappointed when we realised we were both middle aged men, and not 10-year-old girls."

"I made a bunch of custom t-shirts for my footballer friends, and they suddenly turned into philosophers. Must've been the soccer tees."

"You threw. Our tea. In the harbour. And then you changed the spelling of harbour. We do not. Forget."

"Make the little things count... Teach midgets math."

"[Later, Snake sees a Lizard] Snake (to God): DUDE! Seriously?? *God and Lizard high-five, adding insult to injury*"

"What is the difference between a teacher and a train? Teacher says ""spit out that gum!"" But a train says ""choo! Choo!"""

"Dude. Go shave your mustache. Just because it looks good on your mother doesn't mean you can wear it well."