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Joke of the Day

"[after solid first date] Ok play it cool, don't wanna seem too eager.. *texts her 47 years later* ""Had a great time the other night :)"""

"Our daughter ran away from home once when she was a teenager. We were frantic. Within months, we called the police to report her missing."

"What did the mod say when he was wrong? [BANNED]"

"I tried to think of an electricity pun Now my head hertz"

"What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison? A small medium at large"

"The family pet is getting old so we're all pitching in and throwing the dog poop in the neighbors yard when she can't make it over there."

"People who are complaining of shoveling driveways, haven't you heard of moving?"

"I had a good Jeremy Clarkson joke... But I forgot the punchline... Then it hit me!"

"What do you call a lot of cactus? A cac-ton"

"How did Jesus get so ripped? He does crossfit."