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Joke of the Day

"Have you tried the new, ultra-realistic vibrator? ""No, how does it work?"" ""Right before you climax it comes, goes limp, farts, and turns itself off."""

"I lied to my wife about what I was doing. I told her I was laminating copies of my newest novel. But that was only a cover for my story."

"I brought a can of WD-40 with me on a first date It had been a while since my last date, and I was afraid I might be a little rusty."

"Why did they bury the fireman beneath the hill? because he was DEAD"

"What do you call a group of security guards in front of a Samsung store? Guardians of the Galaxy."

"What did the bra say to the hat? Go on ahead I'll give these two a lift"

"I think my microwave's broken. I keep pressing the pizza button and no pizza is coming out"

"What to hear a joke? Women's Sports."

"I keep misreading ISS as ISIS... ...so I was very confused when we were sending ISIS The Martian"

"Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi and the driver kept the ""Vacant"" sign up?"