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Joke of the Day

"Why do I need a wingman? How's a half-man half-bird freak gonna get me laid?"

"If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I'd totally be expecting some change back."

"What does a bucket of KFC and a whore have in common? After you're done with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in."

"What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces? Natural logs."

"If Kevin Bacon ever killed someone, the best a prosecutor could probably do is convict him of 6th degree murder."

"I hate those p*nis enhancement emails. I got 10 today. What really hurt my feelings was 8 of them were from my girlfriend."

"I name photos of me stroking animals in files called ""Fireworks and big dogs.jpg"" so my cats won't find them on my computer."

"Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook."

"When somebody sends me a ""k"" text, I assume they forgot the rest of ""fuc_ you"", so I make sure to correct them."

"Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he started it. Trying to get into small pants."