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Joke of the Day
"Agitated I encountered a very nervous flea He said he gets his sleep in snatches."
Next Joke
"I'm single with no kids. I don't answer to anyone. ""Meow."" Okay! I'm opening the can now! Please don't shred the toilet paper again!"
"The Iron Chef judge who said flavors ""explode"" in her mouth is so inconsiderate. Now I can't hear the show over my own adolescent giggling."
"My mom was in a horrible car accident on her way to pick up lunch today. It's really bad guys, I need your prayers. I'm so hungry."
"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cantaloupe ! Cantaloupe who ? Cantaloupe with you tonight !"
"Why is light beer similar to sex in a boat? They're both fucking close to water."
"me: how was your camping trip 5 y/o: good me: what'd you guys do 5 y/o: camped"
"How do you get over trophobia? Look at the hole photo for 30 seconds straight"
"Nobody expects you to tweet brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family."
"On the bright side you only need one more brain cell and you could pass as a plant"