158645

Joke of the Day

"I bought a pair of shoes from my drug dealer. I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!"

"What do you call a cute homeless girl? Dust Bunny"

"""I have a split personality."" ...said Tom, being frank."

"Misunderstood gift! My lesbian neighbours gave me a rolex for my birthday. Really sweet of them, but i think they misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch"""""

"You put the punchline in the title Wanna know how to spoil a joke?"

"What's the difference between a chickpee and a garbanzo bean? I'd never let a garbanzo bean on my face"

"No one plans to fail. They just go online. Then check their e-mail. Then go to twitter...and it just happens organically."

"Signs your wife is cheating: 1. Weird cologne 2. Emotional distance 3. Late-night abences 4. She introduces you to her boyfriend"

"When people ask me ""Plz"" because it's shorter than ""Please"" I tell them ""No"" because it's shorter than ""Yes."""

"Tried changing my password to ""14days"" but it was two week"