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Joke of the Day

"Text abbreviations date back to the days of the telegraph with common shorthand like DFMWOL for ""Dying From Musket Wound Out Loud."""

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"How did Hellen Keller burn her ear? She answered the iron."
"Couldn't stop farting...so i went to the Doctors I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite"
"[After Big Jewel Heist] ""We did it! We got away! Everything went to plan"" ME(holding my grappling hook I didn't get to use): Yea it was ok"
"I don't see the point of class reunions anymore now that Facebook exists."
"Being an ugly woman is like being a man... You're going to have to work."
"I'm playing dead at work right now so nobody will talk to me. Everyone is screaming. Probably should have used less fake blood."
"Happy Columbus Day! Celebrate by going to the wrong house after work then claiming it as your own."
"Why didn't the Chinese guy get any time off from work when he told them about his son's death? They didn't bereave him"
"That joke was so funny... it should be posted in r/funny"