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Joke of the Day

"So a deer walks into a gay bar... Two hours and several drinks later, he walks out and says to himself, ""Wow. I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there..."""

"Wife: Do the dishes Me: Can't. Holding the baby Wife: Take out the trash Me: Can't. Baby Wife: Change the baby Me: Can't. Doing dishes."

"*at interview* Him: What would you say are your strengths? Me: Words Him: Can you say more? Me: More Him: Me: I'm also good at directions"

"What is worse then sweat on Olivia Newton John? Come on Eileen"

"How do you know humans can't reincarnate as insects? You've ever gotten one bug bite not on your crotch (or tits)."

"I remain convinced that the only people who can gracefully sprint in stilettos are prostitutes."

"Why are blacksmiths seen as very nosy? Because the are always metal-ing."

"What did the baby corn say to the Mom corn ? Where is Popcorn ?"

"Take 1/5th the $ car insurance companies spend on advertising, apply it to health care, and everyone can have golden organs and never die."

"What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 14 years."