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Joke of the Day

"How many judges does it take to change a light bulb? Just one; he holds it still and the whole world revolves around him. Just one but two lawyers have to explain him how to do it."

"I've started a new business making statues of people who can tell the future... ...so far, I'm making a prophet."

"Best part of election night is seeing how fast states tabulate votes and judging the slow ones. What's up, Sloth Carolina?!"

"I like my porn just how I like my search history Disabled. EDIT: First post and front page. Woohoo!"

"The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off."

"What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison? A small medium at large"

"I love 12 year old porn. If you ask me, 2003 was just the golden age of porn with the best and sexiest adult actors of our generation."

"I hope Death is a man. That way it will come quickly and be over before I know it."

"""Florence + the Machine"" would be a funny name for a Leonardo da Vinci biopic. Follow this account for more goodass Renaissance tweets"

"My friend once talked me out of jumping off a building with my new homemade glider wings. He said I didnt understand the gravity of the situation."