73058

Joke of the Day

"The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off."

"What's red and bad for your teeth? a brick."

"There's never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself "" thank god the cops are here"""

"Free Tip: If a prostitute has nice teeth and carries a purse, she's a cop."

"[At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*"

"My new favorite joke. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a high school?? Names"

"I scaled Everest! And I give nicknames to fish."

"Accidentally put Red Bull in my coffee maker this morning. I was going 130 mph down the interstate when I realized that I forgot my car."

"""Mom, where did people come from?"" ""God created us"" ""But Dad said we came from monkeys"" ""Dad told you about his side of the family. I am telling you about mine"""

"What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage? Divine intervention. edit: Oh."