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Joke of the Day

"I hope Death is a man. That way it will come quickly and be over before I know it."

"[sliding $5 to the zookeeper] Maybe one of those penguins ends up in my car?"

"A man went to the doctors... He said ""Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains"" The doctor had him sectioned and detained under the Mental Health Act"

"Lately I've been getting in touch with my inner self. I really need to switch to a better brand of toilet paper."

"Why didn't Kevin from Home Alone call the cops when the burglars came around? He was running a trap house."

"HELP! I just sent my girlfriend a dick pic... and she just sent me one back."

"Cat is hissing at nothing in the kitchen. Based on horror movies I've seen nothing good can come of this, but I'm a white guy so I'll stay."

"What doesn't belong: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob? Answer: blowjob You can beat your meat, eggs and wife but you cant beat a blowjob!"

"Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!"

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? ""Broken Pencil."" ""Broken Pencil Who?"" ""Never mind, it's pointless."""