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Joke of the Day

"Woman from Q [NSFW] There was once a woman from Q. She filled her vagina with glue. she said with a grin, if you paid to get it in, you'll pay to get it out too."

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"Ever since I became asexual I've found I have to repeat myself a lot. ... You're not getting it? Neither am I. ... Let me reiterate."
"Plot twist: Everybody shoots Cupid with an arrow."
"Him: How many glasses of wine have you had today? Me: One, but it was in the shape of a giant bottle."
"Doctor: ""I'm afraid-"" *Wife crying* ""I'm afraid your husband is in a better place now."" *cut to me on a roller coaster at Disneyland*"
"Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her"
"The final death of 2016.... Mariah Carey's live performance career"
"Me: My weight is up. I really hate winter. Him: Don't be discouraged. You'll bounce back in spring once you shave your legs."
"[invention of kissing] WEIRD PERSON: Hey let me lick the inside of your mouth EVEN WEIRDER PERSON: Ok"
"It's really only a matter of time before Lady Gaga gets Justin Beiber pregnant."