157920

Joke of the Day

"You can always count on me. Unless standing up for you will make people hate me. Then you're on your own."

"Today in biology class we learnt about all the health problems related to cigarettes Thank god I switched to crack last week"

"Why don't I enjoy certain middle eastern food? Because it just makes me falafel."

"Why was Twelve running from Seven? Because Seven had a fucking rocket launcher!"

"Life is like a box of chocolates. I don't have a box of chocolates."

"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Testicles (though I'm sure you smarties already got it)."

"I'm sick of all of the Irish stereotypes... As soon as I finish this drink I'm punching someone"

"I deleted my facebook account. Could one of you tell them it's raining and cold here?"

"In Soviet Russia... TV watches you. With much apologies to Yakov Smirnoff (who rarely told them). Please to bring on Russian Reversal jokes in comments."

"Why don't old ladies receive orals sex? Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"