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Joke of the Day

"I've been stealing retainers and throwing them in a swamp so that in 1000 or so year archeologists think it's an ancient nerd burial ground"

"I told my lawyer I wanted to seek the death penalty against my wife. He said that's not how a divorce works."

"*Removes smoke detector battery **Cooks in silence"

"Why are vegetarians good in giving head? Because they are used to eating nuts!"

"I heard the best geography joke today... I would tell you but you had to be there."

"What do you call a female lumberjack? A lumberjill"

"Mississippi's Education/Testing scores are the worst in the nation... yep, we're ranked 53rd."

"If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house? Seven because ice cream has no bones"

"Do you think the guy responsible for squirting water in NFL players' mouths has ""rehydration specialist"" listed on his LinkedIn profile?"

"Fact: Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in the jeans."