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Joke of the Day

"Every time my friend plays with his xbox... She is left thinking that they are getting back together."

"I have nothing in common with people that learn from their mistakes"

"i hate when you google stuff like 'insidious' it gives you the definition but when you google 'butt' it doesn't. define butt for me damn it"

"At this point the only thing Lady Gaga could do that would shock me is to come out on stage wearing a sensible pantsuit from Talbots."

"I can't be the only person who hears the phone ringing and says ""oh fuck, what NOW?"""

"TRUMP: Let's get that Muslim Band going ""Band? We thought you said ban"" TRUMP: No way, that's harsh. Also, how's that Mexican mall coming?"

"Why did the Crip cross the road? Cuz."

"What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable? Fitting the wheelchair in the oven."

"Somebody at work brought donuts this morning and I didn't eat one which is great but I'm still thinking about them"

"Why do intersecting lines hate each other? Because they do nothing except making themselves cross."