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Joke of the Day

"Maggie Thatcher Just heard they have cancelled the funeral. ATOS have declared Maggie fit for work!"

"Why did the dyslexic Italian prisoner of war never get rescued? Because when his commanding officer read his letter saying he was now a WOP, it was assumed that he had expatriated."

"[calls home] son: hello me: hi, put mom on the phone son: I can't me: why son: she's too heavy"

"What kind of tie is best to wear in a fight? Muay Thai"

"My daughter has an ice skating date with her boyfriend tonight. So I'll be the guy skating behind two 12 year olds carrying a shotgun."

"What did the peanut say to his wife before he left? I'll be back in a jiffy"

"What do you call a bear that is not Jewish? Gentile Ben"

"My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like!"

"Why did the professional poker player season his meat with marijuana? Because he wanted his steaks high."

"I didn't post that copyright notice thing on my Facebook and I've already seen SIX of MY photos of me with my casseroles in BMW commercials"