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Joke of the Day

"every Lifetime movie needs a scene where a woman angrily packs a suitcase"

"Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the best ingredients."

"What did one fetus say to the other? Guess were wombmates! *drops mic*"

"What do you call someone who blows himself up by accident? An Errorist!"

"What do you call a lighter that is only used for weed? A highlighter Edit: Or a Bud Light Courtesy of u/isnottoast"

"Girl, you must be Saint Peter... Cuz you've denied me three times already."

"What would be the most useless superpower? How about the ability to go invisible, but it only works while you're playing a trumpet."

"My son just asked what erectile dysfunction is so I told him it's when your anaconda don't want none regardless of the presence of buns."

"It sucks to be a dick.. A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually."

"Why was the baby in Africa crying? It was having a mid-life crisis."