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Joke of the Day

"I've had second thoughts about masturbation... On one hand, it feels great. On the other hand, you don't feel a thing."

"Why does Trump like pressing apples in the fall? Because he likes to stick his hand in cider!"

"""Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed."""

"[Security breach at Wayne manor] BRUCE: *brooding darkly* ALFRED: The back door is literally just a waterfall"

"What is the most confusing holiday in Harlem? Father's Day."

"Why did the Dollar note become 4 Quarters? Because it wanted ""to change"". *ducks*"

"What thinks the unthinkable? An ithe-berg"

"[God making a planet for the first time and just constantly screwing things up] Ugh, first world problems."

"I removed the shell from my pet snail... because I thought it would move around quicker. Now it's just really sluggish"

"What medicine would you give an ill ant ? Antibiotics !"