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Joke of the Day

"[Snake family queueing to get on the train] [They spot Samuel L Jackson already on board] SNAKE DAD: Not this shit again."

"They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s."

"""Who ate all the crackers?!"" - racist cannibal."

"We attract people who are reflections of ourselves. So beware of anyone who wants to be with you when you're an emotional wreck."

"An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion."

"I had a dream I was going to the zoo to throw poop at the monkeys. No, not my own poop, thats just gross. Poop I found on the way to zoo."

"What should you do when an elephant comes in your window? Swim."

"A bodybuilder asks a doctor for a pill that will enhance his muscles and increase the size of his penis and tan his skin Here, I'll prescribe you some testostyrone"

"If you want to keep a secret from me, write it and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation."

"I call my car the ""pussy wagon"" because that's where I go to cry."