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Joke of the Day

"Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician."

"Every squirrel is a flying squirrel if you've got a good throwing arm."

"I'm getting engaged next month. Not because I'm in love but because it's gonna look dope on Instagram."

"Why did the pickle stop being a contortionist? It was to cucumbersome."

"you can't please everybody. if you could, you'd probably be pansexual."

"Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn't burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one."

"-""I was the girl that hated you back in high school."" -""I'm sorry, can you be more specific?"""

"You guys ever hear the joke about the pizza? Nevermind, it's too cheesy... Those pizza jokes are all about the delivery."

"Chuck Norris threw a grenade Chuck Norris threw an grenade and killed 30 people. Then the grenade exploded."

"A man enters a store and says: ""15 litres of wine please."" ""Did you bring a container for this?"" ""You're speaking to it."""