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Joke of the Day

"Every squirrel is a flying squirrel if you've got a good throwing arm."

"Today I opened the door to the supply room and four Japanese guys jumped out and yelled ""supplies!"""

"You catch a giraffe with giraffe bait. You catch an elephant with elephant bait. How do you catch a click? Clickbait"

"Q: How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? A: With a pumpkin patch."

"Straight marriage, gay marriage, whatever. Just stop showing me pictures of your kids and we're cool."

"How can you tell if a bee is on the phone? You get a buzzy signal."

"Before kids: I'd choose going blind over going deaf. After kids: Deaf! I wanna be deaf!"

"IRISH EATS ITALIAN Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food? A: Gaelic breath."

"ME: so what do you do GUY: I'm an oral surgeon ME: *imagining him doing heart surgery with just his mouth* wow I bet you're a helluva kisser"

"How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized."