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Joke of the Day

"My first time having sex was just like my first time riding a bike My dad was holding me from behind."

"I would dress like Batman more often, but I cant run the risk of giant aliens invading and mistaking me for a large Pez dispenser."

"Why did blonde open a fishcan in a shop? Because on top of it was written : Open here."

"me: hello darkness my old friend darkness: you are going to hate me but I forgot your name"

"I was in chemistry class with my lab partner... ...and asked him if he wanted some sodium bromide, but to my disappointment, he said NaBro"

"I find it Hillaryous that the presidential candidates this year are so horrible. I wonder if either of them will pull out their Trump card to guarantee that win though."

"Democratic debate is in Flint, Michigan ""Would you like some water Secretary??"""" ""No, not at all!"""

"What exactly is the difference between a New York City Park bathroom and a Law & Order crime scene?"

"I told the cashier that her eyebrows were drawn too high I guess she didn't realize because she seemed pretty surprised."

"upon my death: 1. tell my kids I loved them 2. give my daughter my jewelry 3. leave french fries in my coffin, just in case"