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Joke of the Day

"I find it Hillaryous that the presidential candidates this year are so horrible. I wonder if either of them will pull out their Trump card to guarantee that win though."

"Look at all these people writing in Starbucks, just like Hemingway."

"Didn't know which glass of beer was mine so I drank both. I'm a problem solver."

"Jews are lazy... ... essentially a group of people who couldn't be bothered to read the sequel. -Will Bailey (Cambridge footlights)"

"You ever notice most Ford vehicle names are more fun when you put ""anal"" in front? Probe, Explorer, Excursion..."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? Nobody ever wants to borrow my hippo :-("

"If I got kidnapped I'd continuously sing Pitbull songs until they kill me, I'd die but at least they'd suffer too."

"I had three girlfriends once and that was the worst recess ever."

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because he was out standing in his field."

"Imagine going back to the Middle Ages and telling people that we can fly in the future. They'd be like ""DUDE WTF are you wearing Crocs?"""