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Joke of the Day

"I was listening to my wife argue with our 5 y/o. I didn't want to tell her he was right so karate chopped the TV to create a diversion."

"Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way. Trying to get into smaller pants."

"I casually mentioned to my cat that I've petted many animals in my time, and she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said ""How many?"""

"Why did the bunny find some extra green in his paycheck? Because he put in a little extra clovertime."

"Nerd joke A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks ""any baggage to check?"" The photon replies ""No, I'm traveling light."""

"[tries to blow a kiss] Kiss: I have a boyfriend"

"Why couldn't the Coast Guard save the hippie? Because he was wayyy far out man."

"What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away."

"When you accidentally type ""me"" instead of ""my"" I read your tweets as if you are a leprechaun."

"I saw the expiration date on my condoms They say it takes thousands of years for latex to degrade, but apparently it's been longer than that since I've gotten laid"