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Joke of the Day

"7:55 pm: Pours Diet Coke over fries to prevent self from eating them. 8:03 pm: Eats soggy Diet Coke fries."

"What did one ghost say to another ghost? ""Do you believe in people?"""

"I am the Anti-Hammer. You can touch this. Go ahead. Touch it! ANTI-HAMMER TIME!"

"I once told my dad: ""I feel there are a good and a bad wolf in me fighting for control. But which one will win in the end?"" He said: ""The one you feed."""

"Today I learned that diarrhea is hereditary. It runs through your ""jeans"""

"I Like My Vaginas Like My Two Favorite Clint Eastwood Movies Dirty Harry and Every Which Way but Loose"

"What do I get when I pour my Root Beer into a square mug? Just Beer. If you don't get it, think mathematically."

"big pharma. if youre reading this i have an idea for a pill that makes you tinier so you can fit into secret zones. i will let you invent it"

"Wife. ""Did you cut the grass?"" Me. ""Yep"" Wife. ""But it doesn't look any different!"" Me. ""I know, we had a lot of rain while you were out"""

"Yo mama is so fat that she needs a book mark to keep track of all her chin rolls!"