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Joke of the Day

"Hangs a sign on front door that says ""Robbery in progress - Please do not disturb"" to deter burglars"

"[interview for fireman] ""So why do you think you're a good fireman?"" I lit the building on fire ""What?"" Now watch as I try to put it out"

"What's the difference between a chicpea and a tomato I don't pay 1200 dollars for a tomato on my face."

"two atoms are talking.. ""Hey Bob, why the long face?"" ""I've just lost an electron."" ""What, are you sure?"" ""Yes..... I'm positive."""

"I asked my mom something really stupid. I asked her to calm down."

"A grizzly mauled a guy in an elevator... but I couldn't bear to see it go down."

"[Best man speech] I HAVE DEFEATED THE OTHER MEN IN THIS WEDDING PARTY TO EMERGE AS THE BEST, THE MICROPHONE SHALL BE MINE FOOLISH MORTALS!"

"Did you hear about the clumsy thief who stole sculptures of famous people's heads? He eventually got busted."

"Two flies are on a piece of shit... One fly rips a fart & the other says ""HEY... I'M EATING HERE"""

"Dear Men. When a woman says she doesn't want to talk about it, you'd better shut up, grab a chair and get ready to listen...for hours."