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Joke of the Day

"[interview for fireman] ""So why do you think you're a good fireman?"" I lit the building on fire ""What?"" Now watch as I try to put it out"

"""It's ok. This is normal for her."" - How my friends explain me to others."

"What did the Mexican firefighter name his sons? Jose and Hose B"

"How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him."

"Both of my marriages have been disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn't.marr"

"The first time I got high was in the back of my brother's car... It must of been some dank weed, because I'm an only child."

"What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef"

"Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians? Because they all live in de-nile..."

"What, I'm Asian? *slides off Uggs & infinity scarf inside Starbucks* *buys a bonsai tree*"

"You know how sometimes you destroy your house & instead of cleaning you're like ""Screw it let's just move?"" That's why we're exploring space"